SUPER SUMMER

Well folks, it's officially SUPER SUMMER!!!! I'm not a big fan of stepping on the new pavement they put down for the parking lots and it sticking to my feet. I'm also not a fan of sticking my head out of the window of my car like a dog since it's 150 in my car while it's only 108 outside. So, to help with your survival of the super summer here are a few helpful tips to help you get through the next few months.

Austin City Limits 2009.... SUPER HEAT!!!

HOT CAR
The inside of your car can be very dangerous during the summer if you're not careful. With an outside air temperature of 95° F the inside of your car can get up to 149° F in just 15 minutes. The first thing that you should gather from this is that it would be idiotic to leave a pet or a child in an unconditioned car for any period of time. If I do come across a parked car that has an unattended child or pet (especially a child) I would be well within my legal rights to break open a window and get the child out of the heat and into safety. Oh... and the owner of said car would be charged with child endangerment..... No, I wasn't trying to be funny. I would seriously do that.

The quickest way to cool off the inside of a hot car is to roll down the passenger side windows and then open and close the driver's side door a few times. This will force a bulk of the stagnant hot air out of your vehicle.

HOT HOUSE
With a steady supply of A/C one would think that your home is the ultimate escape from the super summer. But what if you don't want to spend all that money on electricity and would like a cheaper alternative. Well, that's what I'm here for.

Do you have ceiling fans? Yes? then turn them on and never turn them off. The motor in your average 42 inch ceiling fan will use 70 watt-hours in one hour of continuous use while your average central A/C unit uses 3500. Even your average medium sized window unit uses 900. Also by using fans you can create your own indoor wind chill factor by making it feel 2 to 8 degrees cooler than it actually is.

When it comes to your actual A/C try and keep it set at 78°F or higher. Each degree below 78 can increase your energy consumption by 3 to 4%.

HOT HEAD
The most important thing you can do for yourself during this heat is to keep yourself properly hydrated. Also, it is important to dress appropriately. In the state of Texas it is legal for those the state classifies as males to be topless in public. However, this right is not extended to those the state classifies as female. But anyway when it comes to summer cotton is king. Unlike other fabrics cotton loves to breathe. It absolutely adores to allow a fresh breeze to pierce the fabric and give you a nice cool touch. Mmmmmmmmmm.... air flow. Finally, sunscreen. Yes sunscreen: that cool white lotion which magically protects you from the harmful rays of the sun and from looking like a designer leather bag. And did you know that you don't only use sunscreen for when you swim? You can also use it anytime the sun is out.

Remember to keep a cool head and don't do anything stupid and the super summer won't be getting the best of you.

Life Cheat #8413038: Historically speaking the good guys have beards, the bad ones sport mustaches.