Monday, October 7, 2013

Statistics, Spaghetti, and Squid at UT Tyler

"The highest education is that which does not merely give us information but makes our life in harmony with all existence." ~ Rabindranath Tagore

"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil." ~ Some T-Shirt I saw once, I think. maybe it was a bumper sticker? The point is, get those brain's a'crack'n and build the next anti-cancer drug. Or a death-ray powered by sharks. Just keep studying!

    Humans are creatures who are capable of great variety of skills including ( but not limited to! ) making sense of the senseless. We are capable of looking into the most bizarre labyrinths of madness ( the plot of Lost, the entire Affordable Care Act bill, or the ingredients list for Big Red soda ) and finding patterns; we look at that which we can't understand and we try to see meaning there. 

  Our human curiosity and interest in making sense of the mysterious, senseless, and impossible to decipher has allowed for humanity as a species to develop sociology, biology, and anthropology, for starters! Once man started painting on walls with berries and charcoal smeared fingers we set to work making sense of what was around us.

Instagram circa 40,000 BCE #stupiddeer #YOLO #nailedit

   Humans have come very, very far in amassing out data into means that are easier and easier to access for other humans, mainly so we don't have to crawl into dark, dangerous caves to find the newest gossip-paintings or to see what Thog said about Og's bow skills. While making and opening certain .PDF files is indeed easier than crawling in caves ( although some would prefer cave crawling to working Adobe Acrobat ), The University of Texas at Tyler has gone and made accessing their data easier than ever. 

No more cave-diving? Praise Hojo!

The newest release of The University of Texas at Tyler's Annual Security and Fire Safety Report is up at the following link. What does this marvelous document reveal about the University of Texas at Tyler? Mainly, it gives you ( yes, You! ) access to valuable data about how safe and secure the campus is. For parents, prospective students, and even for some students who might need the data for business courses, this .PDF file allows the reader to see detailed statistics about the University's history of things such as burglary, hate crime incidents, and also ...


It is a fact of life that many, many new students who come to the University of Texas at Tyler will be newly separated from their cooking-savvy families, siblings, or exotic for-hire chefs named Louis. This separation will result in teens struggling to adapt to the magical power of electricity, ie: the fact that your toaster can indeed toast BREAD, but not a whole rotisserie chicken you got from Wal-Mart

One one of the more interesting statistic is the cause of fires on various campus sites at The University of Texas at Tyler.

Very interesting.

Now, before I comment on the true meaning of this data, let me say this. The fact the University of Texas at Tyler releases this data is important. As a university who accepts the money of you, your parents, and the government, it is important to know how well the institute is doing at keeping you and/or your children safe. This data goes a very, very long way to showing the accomplishments our security teams, police forces, and academic advisors.

Seriously - thank them if/when you get the chance.

Now, really, my only thought at all these 'accidental' fires? Obviously a cult of pasta-demon-squid worshiping youths have taken root in Tyler. Having made their haven in Tyler these carb-cultists have begun actively trying to summon their delicious, pasta-entity over-fiend(s) into our world the only way they know how ...

Ph'nglui mglw nafh Pasta-Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn l'a k'nark
Clearly by lighting pasta on fire the carb-cultists hope to open a window between our world and the edible, Al dente Linguine Dimension. Every thwarted cooking fire is really just another way the University of Texas is keeping your children ( and the universe ) safe.


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