Sounding Off - Love & Support on UT Tyler's Campus

                          Sounding Off – Finding Love & Support on UT Tyler's Campus

   As I write this I am currently in a strange state on the topic as it (currently) exists in my mind and as a draft in front of me. I’d love to share all the details about this subject, however as this is a student blog there are obviously many, MANY things to consider about the nature of the topic, where the conversation can lead, etc…

   Every year countless people are the victims of various forms of abuse, much of it verbal and psychological. I am in no way counting out physical abuse, but rather I hope to illustrate that while it is not OK to, say, publically hit a person, every day I hear people make some fashion of remark about other people. Both are dire situations to encounter, but I feel this blog can have the biggest impact in verbal and psychological abuse first and physical abuse second. I hope by reading that you'll understand.

  

   Below are just some of the things I hear daily, from the classroom to the lounge areas:

   That’s gay [ said commonly by many people, be they saying it in jest or spite ]

   She’s a dumb skank [ said by some people just because a girl wears a low-cut item of clothing]

   Psh, shut up  faggot  [ a common response to imply superiority over others, even in a “good spirited way” … unless the person you are talking to is actually/secretly gay, in which case can becomes hurtful ]  

   I think to a certain point these words have entered our collective vocabularies and we would have an extraordinarily hard time censoring, screening, and assessing all their variable terminologies. Am I saying this is a “get out of hate speech free” card? No, of course not. Some people use these words and it in no way causes them stress, or anger, or even irritation. Those people then are not to whom I am addressing this, but I hope those people still listen.

   What I hope to do is provide a momentary spark of clarity that we DO use these terms and people DO listen, however maybe not in the way we think. Perhaps you and a friend are talking with language that is OK with you, but in a public area people hear what you say. This happens every day and, regardless of the obvious "Well, so and so should mind his own business and not get offended" response, I'd hope maybe you'll take the change to think outside yourself. Don't worry, a minute or two more is all I ask!

   So, where am I going with this? Last weekend was Father’s Day, a day I particularly have some issues with on account of the fact that I grew up being heavily abused verbally by my father. My dad, despite his genuine love for me, managed to do some serious harm to me psychologically in my early years. I still have issues around people who yell, even if it is people yelling in excitement. I am no longer forced into tears over loud noises and confrontational language, but that doesn't mean the pain of the experiences I have had are 100% gone. That having been said, I was forced to face my issues with humor and a good temperament because (in my mind anyway) the alternative was to become bitter and resentful.

   The thing about that, about my experiences and how I deal with things? Not everybody is me.  Just because I was able to face my abuser in a particular way does not mean everybody can or will. Some people who have been the victims of abuse have abusers who have passed away and thus they might not gain closure in any fashion. Some people might suffer hateful actions or comments from those who genuinely don’t know the impart they are having on you ( the person listening/receiving the comments ) and you might not think they’ll understand the issue if you bring it up. Some people are just plain abused in passing, or by strangers with whom any reconciliation is almost impossible.

   In my life the best advice I ever got was from my mother. She urged me to not keep the feelings I was burdened with inside and to seek help where I could. Most importantly, she urged me to talk about what was bothering me. She urged me to find a way to handle what I went through, so I hope what she told me can help you …

   Whoever you are, whatever you are going through – I love you. We’ve never gotten to meet and I am sure whatever you are going through is nothing like what I went through ( or, it was exactly the same ) and regardless of the details, you need to know somebody cares.

   I can’t reach out and hug you, or talk with you in this venue, but know somebody right now is thinking about whatever you’ve gone through and hopes you’ll do what is best for you to confront and overcome your pain, or anger, or confusion.

   Please remember that people can react terribly to what they don’t understand, and strangely sometimes this is what they don’t understand about themselves.

   They might not know it is actually OKAY to be friends with gay, transsexual, or diversely-racial people. They might cite religious reasons as to why, and that is their business, however we as people can always treat each other with civility regardless of religious affiliation or upbringing.

   Some person might not have ever had anyone in their life that showed them that being the bigger person can mean forgiving their ignorance, without forgiving their actions.  Don’t ever let somebody keep hurting you, but don’t be afraid to forgive their situation and help them past it, if they are receptive to you. I am sure you've heard the phrase, the one calling for you to "be the bigger man/woman" in a scenario and to let things roll off you?

  

   Yea, that's hard when you are absorbing it versus letting it bounce off you.

   The life of a young person on a college campus is chaotic and so are the situations with people you encounter. You can see so many people and hear so many things in a week alone that you could get overwhelmed with sensory overload. Tests, transport between home and class, managing your social life, it’s all a LOT to take in …

… but don’t saddle yourself with more weight on your mental shoulders by putting up with abuse, writing it off, or not talking about it if it impacts you or others.

   Our UT campus is more than fully equipped to meet with you, talk with you, and to help you deal with whatever you are going through in the way that is best for you. I’d never urge somebody to open up and share feelings if you physically find such a thing impossible to confront. Maybe you need to write your concerns and let somebody read them, or maybe you need to pray with others about your burden and seek help from amongst a like-minded group of individuals who will help you with love.

   One group that is relevant to those who have faced pressure or comments in relation to sexual identity and life choices is the UT Tyler Gay Straight Alliance ( GSA ). Their standing president, our own blogger Megan E. Allen, is dedicated to being their for people who need aid in this circle.

   Another thing to be aware of is Wellness and Prevention Education, a program that works through groups such as Crossfire and the Campus  Assault Response Effort.

   If neither of these groups meet the concerns you have, always remember that UT Tyler is staffed with a Counseling Center specifically to for you, no matter what you are facing.

   IF YOU, OR SOMEBODY YOU KNOW HERE ON CAMPUS IS SUFFERING FROM PHYSICAL ABUSE, PLEASE HELP HIM/HER TO GET IN TOUCH WITH THESE GROUPS!

   However you decide to deal with what you see or hear or feel, please do it. Don’t wait if you have been carrying pain inside you and think “that’s just normal” or “I am sure everybody else deals with the same stuff, why am I a special case?”

   YOU, beautiful human being, are a miracle.

    You deserve every change at happiness and I am rooting for you every step of the way. Not because “Well, I got through my issues so you can too”, but rather because I am proof that because one person cares, things can change.

   I have faith and hope in your resolve and determination.

   You have an army behind you, should you choose to call on us. Sometimes you just need to hear us sounding off.